#8 Become the Best that You Can Be

Today, I am going to talk to you about the desire to be the best that one can be, also called self-actualization.

You need to know this because NOT using your abilities or talents relates to being discontented or even feeling worthless.

Self-actualization is developing one’s full potential and abilities.

On Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, self-actualization is at the top and is pursued after basic needs have been met.

Maslow is a psychologist whose teachings gained prominence during the 50s and 60s. According to Maslow, people want to become what they are meant to be and that means developing a person’s full potential. Maslow said there is a “feeling of discontent and restlessness when one is not putting their strengths to full use.”

I learned about Maslow and the hierarchy of needs while I was in college and I knew then that I wanted to pursue self-actualization. In my mind, I thought of it as always growing and always improving. It underlies what I try to guide others to do for their own well being. It is simply becoming the best you that you can be, finding and developing your unique, innate abilities and expressing your personal character.

Growth and self-actualization are a part of being human.

Carl Rogers, another prominent psychologist, observed that it is inherent in the human spirit to strive to grow. He gave the example of a potato stored in a dark cellar which would sprout, and those sprouts would grow towards any sliver of available light. He asserted that the power in the desire to live was so strong that it existed in people even in the worst of circumstances.

These ideas, that the desire to live is strong and that people who are not using their abilities or talents will feel discontent contribute to my purpose in counseling others.

I think that a goal of counseling is to help people gain the confidence and ability to move beyond what may be holding them back. Things that hold people back can be insecurities, poor self-esteem, negative self-talk, poor boundaries, lack of hope or belief in themselves or an inability to see what may be possible for them.

You do not grow towards self-actualization by doing what you have always done.

Growth doesn’t occur in repeating routines. People grow and find satisfaction in learning, trying and mastering new things. Learning something new keeps you interested in life and makes you interesting for others to be around. Continued learning is valuable not only for new knowledge but also for keeping a person actively engaged in life. Stretching beyond your comfort zone is exciting, maybe scary, and ultimately thrilling when you succeed!

Just this week, I tried making a reel on Instagram for the first time. I learned how to edit a short clip from a video I had already recorded. I put it out there and, even though my regular photo IG posts had a reach of 12-15, the reel gained a reach of about 2,500! That was amazing to me! And fun!

So, here is what we have been talking about.

Self-actualization is becoming the best that one can be.

People are meant to learn and to grow. And if they aren’t, if they get stagnant or stuck in their routines. They may become discontented or, in other words, depressed.

Continued learning is valuable for keeping a person engaged in living life.

If you want to foster this growth in yourself, here are some things to do:

Change your routine. Go for a walk in a new area. Make a change in how you wind down after work. Choose a new place to sit and have coffee or lunch.

Go outside of your comfort zone. Try something new that makes you a little nervous. This could be starting a conversation with someone new, or going out to eat by yourself, or doing a craft project that you have never tried.

Face your fears. Afraid of the water? Take a swimming lesson. Never have worked on an engine? Take a small engine repair class. Need to do a home repair and you are afraid you will mess it up, watch and learn from a YouTube video. Feel foolish dancing? Learn a few dance moves.

Consider different points of view. Try to understand why someone thinks differently from you and what they truly think. Ask them questions and listen to the answers without debating. Or look at how people of different cultures do things.

Everyone starts as a beginner. Remember that when you do something new, you are a beginner. Know that you will have a learning curve and will make mistakes at first. And be ok with that.

Until next time, keep learning and growing.

Listen to the original podcast episode HERE

And check out my website at Counselor, Licensed - Lucretia Donahue-Reed - Coeur d'Alene, Idaho (ldonreed.com) to learn more about me!

If you are on Facebook, my page is /ldonreed.

On IG, you can find me @ldonreedtherapist, all one word.

I wish you well until the next time.