Benefits of Valuing Yourself Ep. #14

If you have a high level of self-worth, you will view yourself favorably and have the utmost faith that you can set and achieve your goals. More importantly, you will tell yourself (and truly believe!) that you deserve good things.

Self-worth, also called Self-esteem, is a sense of one’s value as a human being.

Value striving to be the best one can be.
People who value themselves see the importance of striving to be the best that they can be. They know that their unique attributes and abilities can be developed to offer something good to the world.

Here is a quote from Mother Theresa which points to each person’s value:

“I can do things you cannot, you can do things I cannot; together we can do great things.” - Mother Theresa

Being able to contribute leads us to feel important instead of feeling our lives are meaningless. To contribute, we develop our abilities.

Worthy of having a quality life.
Next, people who value themselves see themselves to be just as worthy as anyone else to have a quality life. They believe they deserve improved circumstances and they don’t simply settle.

This viewpoint is not about being too proud or selfish. This approach does not take away from others. If you want the best for the people you care about, then you can also want the best for yourself.

Here is a related thought:

“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.”

― Jack Kornfield, 'Buddha's Little Instruction Book'.

This means we should care about ourselves just as we care about the well-being of others. Our compassion for others does not dissolve simply because they are flawed. It actually responds to those who have had setbacks. Compassion does not look for perfection in people. Compassion is there because we know we are all human and are imperfect. And we still believe that people deserve to live quality lives. We need to apply that same compassion to ourselves.

Self-esteem is NOT narcissism.
This brings me to point out that self-esteem is not narcissism. Narcissism is being excessively interested in oneself and having excessive admiration for oneself. A narcissist cannot accept that they may have flaws, they lack empathy for others, and tend to be entitled, thinking they are more important than anyone else. A narcissist can have unrealistic beliefs about how good they are.

A person with healthy self esteem has a balanced view, recognizing abilities as well as flaws. Because they feel capable, they know they can learn and improve. Someone with healthy self-worth is open to learning and feedback, which can help the person acquire and master new skills.

One of the masters of the art world said,

“If you hear a voice within you say, ‘you cannot paint,’ then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.”
- Vincent Van Gogh

This statement is encouragement to try and do even if you don’t know your ability. This means you do not have to first prove that you will be successful before you can start. Instead, you start and you learn and improve as you go.

To sum this all up, here are the main points:

People who value themselves know that their unique attributes and abilities can be developed to offer something good to the world. They have purpose. People who value themselves see themselves to be just as worthy as anyone else to have a quality life. They believe they have the right to improve their circumstances. People who have a healthy sense of self-worth are balanced in their self-perceptions; they can see their strengths and their weaknesses. They can accept feedback and work to improve. They have the confidence to strive for more.

Going forward, know that you do not need to cut yourself short. You can have expectations of having a good life and you can strive for more. If you have been putting yourself last or you feel selfish if you think of your own needs, it is time to change the script in your mind. Start telling yourself that you are worthy of good things just like other people. Think about how you would encourage a friend to take care of themselves. Can you apply that to yourself? Meeting your own needs does not have to mean taking away from others. Valuing yourself means you can offer more to others.

Listen to the podcast episode HERE