Ep.2 Emotional Dysregulation

Today, we're going to talk about overwhelming emotion or more professionally called emotional dysregulation.

A lot of people have overwhelming emotions. It takes over, they feel like they can't stop it, and it terrorizes them. It makes life very difficult. People describe it as I'm losing it. I'm freaking out. I'm having one of my episodes. I'm having a panic attack. I can't stop crying. I can't breathe, or I have no motivation. I'm overwhelmed. I don't care about anything. I just want to sleep. I can't get out of bed. I haven't showered for a few days and there are many more, you can probably think of some for yourself.

Emotional dysregulation is emotion, which is experienced as more intense, more frequent, and it lasts longer than average emotions. It really stands out as something significant, maybe even extreme.

The scary thing is that it can come on without warning or apparent reason. And this is because our brains build associations and we don't even realize the brain is doing it. It happens on an unconscious level. So something like a scent or a sound or a particular gesture or an environment that is similar to something that has happened before during a moment in time when the person was really, really upset or had a strong emotional reaction. In the future, when these similar associated reminders come along, it brings on that same intense emotion and the person has no idea why. They don't know why it's happening. They didn't expect it. They didn't feel it coming on. It just happens.

One of the frightening things about it is it just comes on and the person feels out of control because they don't know when it's going to happen next. So the person feels very much out of control. Many people describe it as being ruled by their own emotions.

There are several kinds of categories or diagnoses that emotional dysregulation can fall within. Many people are familiar with major depression, anxiety, which can include panic attacks, rages of anger, PTSD, which stands for post traumatic stress disorder. It results from an extremely frightening situation that typically made the person feel like their life was at risk. In any case, it leaves them with a combination of symptoms, including disrupted sleep and these strong emotions that come on suddenly.

Identifying Triggers:

So what do you do with this? Looking for, recognizing, and identifying triggers that bring on the emotion is a place to start. Triggers are those subtle things that are below your consciousness that bring on the emotion unexpectedly. The key to working on it is to keep track of what was happening right before the strong emotion started. That starts to give you a clue to what the trigger might be. Many people do not know what the trigger is. You have to systematically keep track and try to identify what was happening right before that strong emotion came on.

Develop coping skills:

Now, what do you do with this? It does not mean that you say, Ooh, I am triggered by that. And so I have to avoid it. I need to stay away from that trigger. And it certainly doesn't mean that other people have to be careful not to trigger you. What needs to happen is to identify the trigger, develop very good skills at coping, both with the mental and emotional response, as well as the physical response to the trigger. This involves gaining skills and practicing them until it is second nature.

You want to get really, really good at it. And it's those things that are going to help you feel more in control and like the emotion doesn't rule you. It takes time, it takes practice and there can be a lot of different triggers. So it can be frustrating and it can feel like it's impossible, but it really is not impossible. It just has to be done systematically and with a lot of practice and awareness.

It is worth treating:

If the triggers are left to be in place and the person keeps having these strong, emotional reactions, many areas of their life can be affected. Obviously relationships with family and friends can be chaotic. It can be difficult. They don't know what is going on with you. You might look crazy to them. You certainly might look out of control and they don't know what to do about it, especially if you don't know what to do about it.

And of course, strong emotional reactions can affect performance at work or at school. At the very least, it can be distracting and can keep you from getting work done. It can cause you to miss work. It can cause you to have to run off somewhere and hide while you have the emotional reaction and you wait for it to subside socially. It might be difficult to make plans especially to go out in public and around people because you don't know when an episode, an emotional episode might come on and that could be embarrassing as well as frightening.

Internally, this can affect self-esteem and confidence levels. It also adds to stress and can affect a person's physical health. It can affect sleep. It can affect the heart, heart rate, blood pressure, immunity - people get more susceptible to colds.

Solutions:

There are skills a person can learn to become more in control of emotions. There are skills, especially for managing the physical, emotional response and being able to calm oneself and even a form of meditation in which you stay in the here and the now, instead of everything coming in upon you. Certain ways of thinking contribute to strong emotions. Learning how to take a look at your own thinking and alter it so that it doesn't bring on or exacerbate strong emotion is definitely within a person's control. Many people suffer from extreme worry about what might happen in the future and this contributes to anxiety. People also suffer from unhappy memories of the past that come into the present creating strong emotions that really don't fit for the current moment.

Resources:

How do you learn about these things? Well, you can Google it. You can find books and other reading material that explain it to you and give you techniques that you can learn and practice. A lot of people find it very helpful to go to counseling where not only do you learn skills, but you also talk to someone and process the emotions that you are having and bring them to light. And when you can understand them a little bit better then they have less control over you. For some people, it can be helpful to take a prescribed medication, especially for anxiety or for major depression. Sometimes that's needed while the person goes to counseling so that they can have the energy and the mental space to actually do the work. And, and hopefully down the road, they don't need the medication anymore. That's also the reason I created a couple of my online courses because people can work their way through the course and learn all the skills that are needed and interact with me and have support. So there are a lot of options out there. I would encourage you to not feel like you're stuck and nothing can be done. It doesn't have to be this way forever. There are options and choices.

Listen to this podcast episode HERE or subscribe to the “Calm & Confident You” Podcast on your favorite streaming service.

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